Why I am a Loser

shutterstock_360192704It’s 5:07am and I’m laying in bed thinking, thinking, thinking – and typing this on my phone. (Really not the most convenient way to write an email – so glad for reader glasses!)

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this wonderful client I worked with yesterday and what she helped me realize about myself.

As a kid and into adulthood, I didn’t like myself very much.

I wanted to have more friends.
I wanted to feel more confident and less sensitive.
I wanted to fit in with others better and just be one of the crowd.
I wanted to have myself more together.

Plus a whole bunch more things I wanted to change about myself as well, because I felt they made me into the loser I was trying to hide that I was.

But as I grew older, I started to dabble in the strength of being different.

I noticed that I didn’t feel excited about sharing my feelings with a group of 5 women, but on a one-on-one basis I could feel an incredible connection that made my heart sing.

I noticed that if I took care of myself (and my energy), my confidence increased greatly and overall I felt better about myself.

I noticed that being different actually allowed me to step into the leadership role more easily, because I wasn’t spending time trying to be one of the flock.

These realizations and others were the beginning of me accepting me for who I am. Which includes all of the former negatives that I’ve been able to turn into positives – but it also includes those parts of me that I haven’t necessarily been able to do that with.

For example, I am not patient. I like for things to happen as soon as I think of them and I so often expect the world to shift as fast as my head.

I also hate the idea of someone thinking ill of me (which as pretty tough order since what I do for work is public and I’m not always going to make everyone happy.)

Also, after 16 years living in my town, I still get lost. My sense of direction is terrible and this is not a joke. I got lost again about a week ago.

But, even with these parts of me being nowhere near perfect, what I have on my side is that I’m embracing them as me.

For example, because I don’t put myself down when I get lost, neither does anyone else. In fact, it’s become a big joke around the house that “Mom is lost again” and we all laugh about it. Yes, even me.

As I’ve come to love the aspects of myself that I used to believe make me a loser, I’ve stepped into a much easier life for myself.

No, this doesn’t mean that I’m totally ok with someone being disappointed with me – but I know that it is bound to happen now and then, and I’m accepting it more as a part of being alive – rather than evidence that I’m a loser.

I wonder if there are areas in your life where perhaps you’re thinking you’re a loser too? Negatives you’ve turned into positives? Negatives that are still negatives? 

Maybe today, instead of going in the negative direction, you could instead try laughing and enjoying yourself for how YOU you are. So far, it’s been working for me!

Love and Light,

8 replies
  1. Amy
    Amy says:

    I’m so glad I found your blog. It’s been very comforting reading everyone’s story. I don’t get lost but after sixteen years in the same house, I still can’t tell the light switches apart, or what all the buttons do in my car. I do lose my car parking lots. I found out that at the age of 59 I have no close friends or family. The more I thought I thought about it I realized I don’t think I ever had any “real” close friends. I too always felt like the odd person out. I mean I can get along with most people, I just never really feel a close connection with most people. The minute I was asked about what I had been doing and I start to talk about my crystals, practicing communicating with animals and people who have crossed over, riding my horse, I could see their eyes glaze over and then they quickly change the subject. Now that I’ve been sick for so long, I’ve grown used to being alone with my family and I’m content. I think that’s a positive.

  2. Mr Glenn
    Mr Glenn says:

    Today touched a nerve in me and for a guy home run! After losing my career which I loved, respected and helped other people get in. It was the a few that I helped who were more then happy to stick a a knife in my back. I was hurt and felt like a loser for a long time. As I started and new career I found my self working with a young diversed crowd. Suddenly I was mentoring guiding and parenting these young people. My lifes experiennces the painful times I lived with I was suddenly feeling more confident and less of a loser. It helped me over come alot but still deep down inside the career I loved and respected I will never have again. So helping people over come differnt obstacles, fears and lack of confidence helps us over come ours. But during that painful dark time my dog who I found after I lost my career well she was my back bone in life. I miss Ellie deeply if she only new how I really depended on her to feel like a winner and what she did to make a winner again – May she rest in peace

  3. Prudence
    Prudence says:

    I cut vegetables in multiples of four, no matter how tiny that last cut makes those carrots. I get agoraphobic when my inner perfectionist gets feisty. I get the vacuum cleaner out intending to vacuum and it may sit there for two days before I actually turn it on. I spent a good amount of time by myself learning how to do “The Cup Song,” and I am not 14. In fact, even my child is well past 14.

    But you know what? I really like people who get lost a lot. They have the best adventures. And impatient people get things DONE! So if you guys can put up with all the ways I’m a loser, I will tell you how much I love the ways you’re different, and we can happily hang out.

  4. Gina
    Gina says:

    I never felt like I “fit in” with any one group, and as an adult still usually feel like I am the odd shaped peg. For along time I let this depress me, and fought back my sensitivities, as I considered them a weakness. Just recently as I’ve delved into shadow work, I realize that my oddities and sensitivities are great strengths as they make me unique; and I’ve found others that feel the same way. Sometimes you have to fly your freak flag and find your tribe! Thanks for the reminder that we all have our self doubts and we’re not alone with them!

  5. JoAnn
    JoAnn says:

    Danielle,I tell you today was like you were speaking to me,I can identify with everything you said. I am not a patient person and my sense of direction is lousy also and even at 70 years old I don’t feel like I fit in.I will try harder to embrace those parts of me that are different.Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts each day,I have come to look forward to them and enjoy them very much.

  6. Linda
    Linda says:

    Thank you for such a refreshing perspective. Love it. You’re absolutely right. It might sound trite but so many of us judge ourselves because we are “different” or don’t conform to what is supposedly acceptable and yet every difference is what makes each of us unique and that uniqueness is to be celebrated! I am comfortable in my own beingness – it’s not ego or arrogance – it’s accepting ourselves for who we are. By the way – I can get lost following a GPS and my family and I laugh about it too!! 🙂

  7. Anne Quick
    Anne Quick says:

    Yes, to not wanting anyone to think ill of me. This was pointed out clearly to me last night. I had a pretrial court date for a moving violation. It’s the first time I’ve ever tried to fight a ticket, not that I’ve gotten many tickets. I was really anxious, because I didn’t know what to expect. But in talking to a colleague, I realized my greatest fear was what the judge and officer would think of me as a person. Boy did the lightbulb go on at that moment, about how silly this fear was. I can not expect everyone to like me, and perhaps the biggest thing is not everyone is judging me all the time anyway. Thanks for the poignant reminder which reinforces the lesson, I need to love and accept myself as I am and not focus on what others think or what I think they will think.

  8. Octavio
    Octavio says:

    Yes; but now I have a tool I use, the construction walk tool… That I was tough by a very inspirational guru I look up to and admire as a human been no matter how much of a loser she thinks she is thanks Danielle for been you.


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