I got slammed

It’s a Monday morning and here I am! I’ve been dealing with a cold for the past week, so I decided to take care of myself by taking a break from writing these emails this weekend.

It was so weird not to be emailing you.

However, it was also exactly what my mind and my body needed – a full stop break!

I can’t say I liked it though. I felt like something was missing, but I knew I needed to do it.

And that’s the thing – sometimes, taking care of yourself is uncomfortable. Putting boundaries in place can be challenging if you’re doing it in an area where your environment doesn’t expect it.

And by environment I mean the people around you, of course, but I also mean the things, the energies, the occurrences around you.

I think, at this point, most of us realize that when we say, “no” (whether kindly or not) to someone who’s very used to us saying, “yes” that that person will become upset, disappointed, or enraged.

But do you realize this also happens with your environment?

When you finally say, “Working 70 hours a week is insane. I’m going to take it down to 50 this week!” yet, the energy in your life is still programmed for 70 hours of work, you can bet that some emergency, some huge project is going to come up to demand that you go back to the 70.

That’s why sometimes, sticking with what is right for YOU can be really, really hard. It can make you feel like you’re a jerk, like you’re selfish, like you’re uncaring…

and yet, if you don’t do what is right for you, how will anyone else know what’s right for you and be able to support you in that?

In many areas of my life, I’m great with boundaries. With my work, with my husband, with my son, with standing in line at the grocery store…

But there are a couple other areas that really still give me trouble. In fact, just this morning I was slammed with an email from someone who didn’t like my, “no.”

Yes! Even with all I’ve learned and taught about this over the years, I do struggle here too!

This is because the negative belief I’ve been dealing with (ie Seed Thought if you read my book Soul Contracts) hasn’t been 100% shifted from “I’m not enough” to “I am totally awesome!”

So, when the holidays roll around and this/that/and the other thing are being asked of me, that small percentage left of the ol’ “I’m not enough” starts getting activated when it’s time for me to stand up for myself.

What to do?

Well, first, I’m embracing this as a learning opportunity. This is my chance to change even more of of “I’m not enough” to “I am great!”

So second, rather than being angry about my situation – I’m putting my work boots on and getting ready to dig in.

And third – what does dig in mean? It means OBSERVING myself. Becoming a conscious witness to my tendencies. Noticing when I am empowering my negative belief by letting it run the show – and noticing when I don’t, but not trying to change that.

Yes, that’s right! I’m not going to try and change this whole thing – I’m just going to watch and understand.

Understanding that negative belief and it’s hold on me (or lack thereof) is just SOOOOO powerful. In fact, the more I understand, the less power it has, the less it runs the show (without me even trying)!

And I love watching the power of my negative beliefs wane… as the power of my belief in myself grows stronger.

It just feels so good. And so much better than letting negative beliefs run ruffshod.* (Is that the word I mean here? Ruff shop? Hopefully you know what I mean!!)

Are you going to start observing yourself? Have you been slammed yourself recently? Looking for a little support? Share below to see that you are not alone!

Love and Light,

PS: I’ve got more balance – if you’re looking for it!
My Energy Management audio is waaaayyyyy on sale for $37 instead of $97!) Because who doesn’t need energy management right now! Check it out here.

7 replies
  1. Safena
    Safena says:

    Exactly where I’m at. I had to tell my boss a boundary and she wasn’t happy. Worse though is how I beat myself up about it. I questioned the hell out of it. Back and forth. I didn’t cave but whoa …I would love to reduce the angst that immmediately follows my “no”. I’ve had boundary issues for as long as I can remember. And I get bumped and bruised a lot. I’m so tired of asking myself did I deserve that…why am I still attracting that…what’s wrong with me. I’m finally setting boundaries I guess hoping I’m not seen as an easy target. Yes still lots of fear in that statement. It’s a start. Thx for sharing and starting a meaningful conversation.

  2. Linda
    Linda says:

    Thanks for writing these messages they are truly inspirational. I also struggle with “I’m not good enough” it’s a tough road to travel. Coming to Costa Rica with you in April can’t wait to meet you.

  3. Debbie ~ UK
    Debbie ~ UK says:

    Hi Danielle

    The timing was good for me too. I can guilt-trip myself into a really bad space, ending up resenting the person for whom I am trying to help. Which is not good for either of us. I took some time off from the computer and from helping others and actually focused on a bit of me-time. Nobody dropped dead and nobody called me a selfish old bat. (That I am aware of!)

    And yes, you got the expression right; it is “riding rough shod”, originating (I am guessing) to when folk got around on horseback and the horse had not been shod very well.

    Oh and that person who slammed you for saying no needs a slap. (Gosh how spiritual, Deb…) Anyone who loves and respects you wouldn’t dream of slamming you.

  4. Erin Fitzgerald
    Erin Fitzgerald says:

    Wow exactly what I wanted this Monday morning to confirm what I want to put out there for 2017. As a new mom my daughter has taught me to do what’s best for myself and to not try and please everyone else. As you wrote about being a “yes” girl that has been me in the past. But I’ve slowly been learning that my wellbeing is too important and that saying “no” is completely okay!

  5. Melissa Dunstan
    Melissa Dunstan says:

    In my photography business, this is traditionally the ‘busy’ season with family and pet portraits. This busy season is quickly followed by what is the ‘dead’ season (January through March) where I barely get by. Every year, I work myself to sickness (literally) in the busy season, because I’m terrified of not being able to pay my mortgage in the winter. I find myself accepting jobs in December that I normally wouldn’t, because of my fear. The result is that I’m overloaded with work, working till midnight every night and just too pooped to enjoy the season.

    I think that if I just calmed myself, took some much needed time off, I could concentrate and generate the income needed for those dreaded winter months. I know I have a Soul Contract of “I’m not good enough” and have read your book, but am still struggling with getting myself to believe that the money will come.

    After 15+ years of this toxic cycle, I’m getting even more tired. Thanks for sharing your story, it really resonated with me.


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