It’s 5:07am and I’m laying in bed thinking, thinking, thinking – and typing this on my phone. (Really not the most convenient way to write an email – so glad for reader glasses!)
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this wonderful client I worked with yesterday and what she helped me realize about myself.
As a kid and into adulthood, I didn’t like myself very much.
I wanted to have more friends.
I wanted to feel more confident and less sensitive.
I wanted to fit in with others better and just be one of the crowd.
I wanted to have myself more together.
Plus a whole bunch more things I wanted to change about myself as well, because I felt they made me into the loser I was trying to hide that I was.
But as I grew older, I started to dabble in the strength of being different.
I noticed that I didn’t feel excited about sharing my feelings with a group of 5 women, but on a one-on-one basis I could feel an incredible connection that made my heart sing.
I noticed that if I took care of myself (and my energy), my confidence increased greatly and overall I felt better about myself.
I noticed that being different actually allowed me to step into the leadership role more easily, because I wasn’t spending time trying to be one of the flock.
These realizations and others were the beginning of me accepting me for who I am. Which includes all of the former negatives that I’ve been able to turn into positives – but it also includes those parts of me that I haven’t necessarily been able to do that with.
For example, I am not patient. I like for things to happen as soon as I think of them and I so often expect the world to shift as fast as my head.
I also hate the idea of someone thinking ill of me (which as pretty tough order since what I do for work is public and I’m not always going to make everyone happy.)
Also, after 16 years living in my town, I still get lost. My sense of direction is terrible and this is not a joke. I got lost again about a week ago.
But, even with these parts of me being nowhere near perfect, what I have on my side is that I’m embracing them as me.
For example, because I don’t put myself down when I get lost, neither does anyone else. In fact, it’s become a big joke around the house that “Mom is lost again” and we all laugh about it. Yes, even me.
As I’ve come to love the aspects of myself that I used to believe make me a loser, I’ve stepped into a much easier life for myself.
No, this doesn’t mean that I’m totally ok with someone being disappointed with me – but I know that it is bound to happen now and then, and I’m accepting it more as a part of being alive – rather than evidence that I’m a loser.
I wonder if there are areas in your life where perhaps you’re thinking you’re a loser too? Negatives you’ve turned into positives? Negatives that are still negatives?
Maybe today, instead of going in the negative direction, you could instead try laughing and enjoying yourself for how YOU you are. So far, it’s been working for me!
Love and Light,