I’ve alluded to this in the past, but I’ve never really come right out and given the specifics around it – and when I woke up this morning, I realized that it was a form of hiding.
It’s time for me to stop hiding.
Growing up, I had severe anxiety. As a young girl, I did everything I could to protect myself from that anxiety. For example, in fifth grade when my parents split up, I basically stopped talking. It seemed the best way to keep from exploding with sadness, worry, and fear.
The next few years, I struggled to come out of that safe shell I’d created. I felt different, weird, and NEVER good enough. I looked around at my middle school and then at my high school and felt depressed beyond belief. I remember hating myself so much. I just looked in the mirror and cried and cried when no one could hear me.
As I got into college though, I found other ways to deal with those stressed, worried feeling. I “partied” for sure, but I did something else that distanced me from myself: I chose to hang around with people that loved the spotlight. This allowed me to be around, yet not be so noticed – and if I wasn’t noticed, then I didn’t have to feel like such a failure of a person.
I don’t think I’ve ever really explained – either in one of my books, in an event, in anything I’ve written, how TRULY hard it was for me to like myself before I connected with animals. It’s been hard for me to stop hiding that part of myself.
After college, I modeled for a few years and I remember driving down to Boston for a fashion show – and I had to call and cancel, last minute, because I was too sick. (Really, it was the anxiety). Needless to say, that company never hired me again.
This continued through Grad school while I was getting my MBA. I looked around at all of the other students and felt like I just didn’t fit in. I never felt good enough to be there, and I know that hindered me learning some of the things I could have learned. When that anxiety comes up, it’s just SO hard to think straight!
But here’s the thing: today I am a much more fully functioning person. Through my work with animals and energy and intuition, I’ve learned a few things – and they are things that are the foundation of my work with people and animals today. I’m going to try and BRIEFLY summarize these things here:
- Anxiety depression. stress, and feelings of not being good though don’t have to drive my every day life. I’ve learned that with simple observations of myself and energy management tools, these feelings and emotions show up much differently now. And most often, they NO longer take me down! And if they do, I know what to do!
- Fear. My fear of not doing “it” right or well enough was paralyzing me, not helping me. I never stopped to think about what the actual consequences were if I didn’t do something well, or right, or the best. Today, I’ve learned to counter fear with fun. When I step back and laugh at myself, all the fear goes away and I can enjoy the process (laughing is like my own version of valium during a panic attack!)
- Support. In order to connect with animals the way I wanted – intuitively and at the heart level – the animals really demanded of me that I become a very self-conscious person. I don’t mean shy/self conscious though. I mean being conscious of what my SELF is doing, feel, experiencing, and slowing down to understand the WHY behind that. It was the BEST move I’ve ever made in my life, to decide to dedicate myself to connection with animals. They have been with me every step of the way, since I allowed them to be, and they have helped me become who I am today.
I think it’s these things about me that help me help others to open up and learn animal communication, to dig deep and find themselves and the things they truly love, and to find others that think like they do. Not only have I been there, but I’m still there!
I’m still working to be the best human I can be and to stop hiding! And if you’re reading this, I bet you are too!
Love and Light,
PS: GRAB YOUR ULTIMATE OPPORTUNITY! My beginner level animal communication workshop (a weekend together – you can’t beat that!) starts Friday July 19th. This workshop has changed the course of people’s lives – not just because they learned to intuitively communicate with animals but also because the animals helped them FIND THEMSELVES! Make your move right here.