[For an update on Kelso, since he passed, please scroll down.] I’ve been thinking a lot today about how I should share this news with everyone. The reality is that I want to keep this experience private in some ways, but I feel like I’ve created a family of wonderful, supportive people and therefore I know it wouldn’t be fair to shut you all out. So, I share this news with you, with a heavy heart – but with an understanding that everything is exactly as it is supposed to be.
Last night at 10pm, my baby Kelso passed. I know, based on the work that I do as an animal communicator and with soul contracts, that I should have myself completely together and be “just fine” with his passing, but we’re all struggling with this shift. I want to tell you all the story of his passing though, as it is quite remarkable what happened and how clearly he orchestrated the entire process.
On Monday afternoon, Kelso began experiencing seizures. This was completely new for him and after many tests and talks we concluded that he would have surgery on Wednesday to remove two bleeding tumors attached to his spleen.
Wednesday morning, Kelso awoke, but did not want to get out of bed. He was wobbly, clearly dizzy and he was also sedated because of the anti-seizure medication. At one point, Kelso hobbled into the bathroom and laid on the mat to be near my husband Kevin while he showered. Later in the morning I intuitively check in with Kelso and I remember noticing that his energy was not fully in his body. Now, as those of you who have taken my animal communication classes know I have said, it’s very difficult to be psychic with your own animals – especially in times of turmoil. So, I didn’t think very much about that information. I felt, perhaps I had it wrong or maybe I was exaggerating in my head because I was so worried about him. But as I would find out throughout the day and into the night, that wasn’t the case. Worried that he might just be saying goodbye, Kevin and I both took time in the morning to kiss him and hug him and thank him for being in our lives. I think we both thought we were being overly cautious.
Kelso went into surgery in the afternoon. Our vet told us the surgery to remove the two tumors went as well as it possibly could have and everything was looking good. Upon hearing this, Kevin and I were overjoyed and couldn’t wait to go and say hi to him as we transferred him from the vet hospital to the overnight care hospital. As we drove from one place to the next with Kelso, still sedated from the surgery in the back of the car, I told myself not to worry. I started planning out in my head how I would do my private sessions with people from the living room in my house rather than from my office so I could be near Kelso as he healed. I made quite a few plans in my head and I see now that I was overly chatty about things as my husband quietly drove us to the overnight hospital.
When we arrived at the building, two vet techs ran out to greet us and lovingly put Kelso on a stretcher and carried him into the facility. My expectation was that the drop off would take five minutes at the most, which was good because it was 8:30 at night and I hadn’t eaten dinner yet! As five minutes turned to twenty minutes, I found myself spacing out. I connected in with Kelso to see how he was feeling – and once again I noticed his energy was not as present in his body as it usually is. In fact, I remember thinking to myself, “that’s so weird! Kelso’s energy is 50% out of his body. That’s just what Bella’s energy looked like the day she passed.” But as soon as I had that thought, I went back to talking with Kevin, looking up restaurants on my phone and laughing at the resident cat, Norman, who was playing with a toy at my feet. Again, because I was somewhat worried, I wasn’t worried about what I was receiving intuitively from Kelso – I assumed I was just reading it wrong.
Just a couple minutes later, the vet was finally free to talk with us. We both liked her immediately because she looked us in the eye when talking to us and she clearly WANTED to hear about Kelso as we filled her in on his little quirks (he doesn’t like Tramadol, he gets extra loopy when sedated, he’s not hearing well so you have to talk in a high voice…). She wrote all of this down and then moved on to her next item. Kelso’s red blood cell count had dropped since the surgery and this wasn’t normal. This count should, instead, be going up now that the tumors were removed and the bleeding had supposedly stopped. Hearing this gave me pause. Hmm…. Kelso wasn’t present this morning. Could he be showing us he wants to pass over?
Before we left the overnight vet, we filled out paperwork. I had to checkmark either DO NOT RESUSCITATE or PERFORM CPR . Immediately, I chose the CPR option, but even as we said our goodbye “see you in the morning Kelso-s”, that checkmark laid heavy in my head. I couldn’t let go of it in my brain – and something energetically was pushing me to look at it too. I finally told Kevin that I wasn’t sure we should have checked that box. He said he had been feeling the same thing and we decided to grab our food at the restaurant and talk about it again as soon as we got home.
At 9:30, we had just sat down in front of the TV, our food all spread out in front of us and the phone rang. Kevin answered it and, of course, made me feel angry because now I couldn’t hear what the person on the other end of the phone was saying. It was the vet letting us know that Kelso’s red blood cell count had dropped much, much lower and he was going to need a transfusion. She also said that for some reason right now canine blood is in short supply so it would take an hour to get that blood to the office and that Kelso’s body was shutting down so they were going to have to take drastic action. Thankfully, Kevin said he wanted to talk with me about this and we told him we would call back in just a minute.
As Kevin explained the situation to me, I dialed our regular vet, who – thank god – answered her phone at 9:30 at night. While dialing, I starting realizing that I knew that morning that Kelso wanted to pass over. That Kelso had decided he’d done his job here with our family and it was time to move on. So many of the pieces were there – from not being present to his energy beginning to leave his body – to his energy matching that of our other dog when she passed. I realized I just hadn’t wanted to believe what I knew. Our regular vet confirmed that Kelso’s body shutting down in this way was a very difficult thing to fight and we decided immediately that we needed to be there with him. As we ran out the door to jump in the car, Kevin called the overnight vet to say we were on our way and we didn’t want them to take drastic measures. Over the phone, we heard the tech yell to the back room, “Step resuscitation per the owner!”
The half hour drive to the vet’s office only took about 20 minutes at the rate we were driving. I again found myself chatty, thinking of every possible thing to say, but none of it really meaning much. Kevin, on the other hand, chose to be quiet, crying as he drove. When I finally caught my breath, i again intuitively checked in on Kelso. In my head I saw the room he was in when we left him, but he had been moved out of the cage and he was laying flat on the floor. I saw people moving about around him – and then I noticed one significant thing. His energy was barely attached to his body. In fact, his energy was up by the ceiling looking down on the whole scene of activity. I told Kevin, “I think he has passed – or he’s just about to pass. His energy is looking down on him” and then I felt upset.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned as an Animal Communicator – and especially through my work with soul contracts is that animals CHOOSE their passing. They decide the timing, how it happens, where it happens and more. They are, at the soul level, in total control of the entire situation – and very often, their passing is done is such a way as to allow the attached humans to learn some type of lesson. I began wailing (yes, wailing) to Kevin as we continued the trek up to the hospital, “But WHY? Why would Kelso choose to pass without us there? I can’t figure out what we could possibly learn from this?” It didn’t make sense! Kelso taught me about believing in myself – about seeing myself as the good, positive, helpful person I am – and embracing that. In fact, it was through Kelso that I learned the most about Soul Contracts, my business, animal communication, my relationship… I couldn’t see why he would choose to pass without us there.
Additionally, I was worried that calling off the resuscitation meant that the vet would be forced to stand around and watch while Kelso suffered and died. If there is one thing I have a very hard time with, it’s watching any animal (especially my own!) suffer or endure hardship in any way. Mixed in with my “Why would he pass without us!?” was hope that he had passed and wasn’t in any pain as we broke every speed limit possible to get there.
As soon as Kevin stopped the car in the driveway of the overnight vet, we burst out and ran to the door. Part of me didn’t want to run. Part of me thought – well, based on what I’m seeing, I think he’s gone already but when Kevin sprinted by me, I picked up speed. As we open the glass doors to the building the tech ran up to us, “there’s still a heartbeat. Come this way!” I was flooded with relief that he was still alive – I wanted to be there as he passed, but at the same time horror because that probably meant he was suffering and the vet was helpless to assist because of our “order.”
What I walked in to was completely different though. And it is THIS MOMENT that makes me cry. Kelso was on the floor in the area exactly as I had seen him in my head on the drive up – but he was surrounded by five women, all touching him, loving him and helping him. Kelso wasn’t alone! He wasn’t suffering. He wasn’t in pain! In fact, the next thing I noticed was that his energy was right where I saw it – at the ceiling right above his body.
As the helpers moved out of the way for us, my voice took over. “Hi – we’ve already said our goodbyes. We don’t want him to suffer. We want to help him cross right now.” Kevin and I bent down over him and touched him and rubbed him. His heart beat was so faint… he was just barely alive, but he was alive. He had waited for us so that we could help him. And this is what I wanted. I know that most people don’t get this type of opportunity – and I’m so grateful he gave it to us. Within two minutes, the vet assisted him in crossing and he took his last breath. The thin strand that had been connecting his energy above to his body with us gently just dissolved. And it was over.
I learned from Kelso every single day of my life with him. He was my teacher, my friend and my companion. And the funny thing is he was teaching me up until the exact moment he passed. He (once again) showed me that I CAN trust my intuition, even in the more dire of circumstances. And for that last lesson – as well as all of the others and for the biggest of all – coming to believe in my greatness, I will be forever thankful. And I KNOW I’ll be learning from Kelso on the Other Side as well!
PS: Please forgive any spelling errors or grammatical mistakes. This was a challenge to write!
[UPDATE ON KELSO]
Just thought I would share some news with you guys about my dog Kelso (who passed Wednesday July 16th, 2014). He’s been very active around the house – he’s shown up in the hallway, on his chair in my office and he visited me last night. My husband even “felt” him in the car yesterday while driving to work (and he’s a scientist!). So many people have given us such love and support around his passing, I thought you all would be excited to hear of this. Thank you to everyone for your love and support!
PS I’ll be writing more about how Kelso has shown up for my family and I in a future blog (and I’ll link it here once I do). I know everyone is very interested in that!