It’s time for me to tell you the story of my little health problem. I’ve been putting this off quite a while now, as I was avoiding opening up to you all. I’m happy to talk about Soul Contracts, hockey, moving forward in life and all that other stuff – but the really personal stuff? I’ve been holding back. After the nine millionth of receiving the message from my guides that this was something I should share with you, I’m finally going to listen. (Yes – I too ignore my guides sometimes as you will see by what I’m about to write!)
So, about two and a half years ago, I developed an odd stomach problem. After I would eat food, my abdomen would blow up like I was seven months pregnant. It would just stick out for hours. As the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, I realized that I needed help to shift it. Little did I know, I was embarking on a very long journey to learn something I thought I already knew.
The first “specialist” I saw was a Western medicine highly-recommended Gastroenterologist. After my colonoscopy and my clean bill of health from him, I decided he didn’t have the answer. Having someone look me straight in the eye and say “there is nothing wrong with you” when you’re standing there looking eight months pregnant (and you’re not!) was really too much for me. My stomach was still getting huge with each bite of food and clearly Mr. GI could not think outside of his little box to give me an answer.
My next stop was the world of raw food. I’ve been vegetarian my whole life, so this really intrigued me. My raw food counselor was positive that if I continued a diet of raw food, a regimen of colonics one a week, and a whole bunch of digestive enzymes things would improve. Halfway through the program she casually said it would take about three years for my body to heal completely. It was hard for me to believe this (or stomach the three years!) when I was looking more pregnant the more raw food I ate. Needless to say, I realized she didn’t have the answer either and booked it out of that program. I promptly went home and had some grilled asparagus.
Next, I visited a very well-known allergist. I was already on a very restricted diet – removing anything that would create the bad stomach – and her answer was to take MORE food away. No fun! I remember sitting in her cramped and stuffy office as she removed all vegetables and fruit from my diet. I remember walking out of there, head hanging low, thinking “at least she could have admitted to me that what she wanted me to do sucked!” I hate when people give you a difficult job and tell you it’s no big deal. Removing more and more food from my diet was definitely not the answer either.
Now I was desperate for a solution. I felt like it was somewhere out there, I just couldn’t put my finger on it. Through one of my clients, I found someone who specialized in digestive illness. That diagnosis seemed to fit – after all, my digestive system is in my abdomen and that’s what kept sticking out. What else could it be? I entered into a world all about poop. At the time this seemed to make sense – abdomen, bowel movements… yeah they all go together and I followed his program to a T. The problem was, the program wasn’t helping and this specialist, so confident in his program, kept telling me that things were not improving because I was cheating. Well, if there’s anything I am not – it’s a cheater. I left that program feeling disheartened (who wants to be told they are cheating when they are not?!) and even more full of despair.
A friend told me about a famous doctor about an hour from my home. He specialized in personalized diets. He was almost ninety years old and I thought to myself “someone that old – he must have the answer!). The first thing he said to me was that in order to heal, I was going to temporarily have to start eating meat. Having grown up vegetarian, this was devastating. I ate a hot dog in High School and when I was very young my mom would secretly give me liver disguised as other foods – other than that, meat really didn’t seem like “food” to me. But I was determined to get better and agreed to do it because I thought he MUST know what he’s doing. I remember my first meat meal was at a small deli with my husband, Kevin. It took about 20 minutes for us to get through the eating of the food and – no joke – I cried the whole time. With every bite, I sobbed harder. (We were sitting outdoors at the café – and I am sure the people who saw and heard me crying thought my husband was leaving me or something like that). After many months of this, nothing had changed. This old doctor, while a wonderful and kind man, was not the answer for me either.
About nine months after I began the meat-eating program (not for me!), I heard myself say this to a client in a private session, “You keep looking outside yourself for support and answers – and this isn’t where you get it. You have to look within – that’s where the healing, love and health really come from.”
After that session, I said to myself “OK, I give in. It’s time to follow my intuition.” Yep, it only took two and a half years! And look what I do for work!
Un-coincidentally, I had been awoken several mornings in a row with the word “acupuncture” in my head. Many years prior I had received intensive acupuncture and had relieved myself of my lifelong depression and my anxiety attacks. (Oh those anxiety attacks! They were at their worst when I was modeling – just picture it, me walking down the runway and then freaking out behind the curtain because I couldn’t breathe. What a fun time!) I “knew” this was my intuition pointing me toward this ancient Chinese medicine.
With each acupuncture appointment, I began to feel more relaxed and more like myself. I felt hopeful about my sticky-outy abdomen and with that positive hopeful feeling came… yes – me slowing down enough to really listen to my intuition. And what did I hear? “Reduce stress!” Isn’t this the funniest thing – how many of you have heard me say “slow down!” which I clearly wasn’t doing myself. So, feeling that I had no other choice, this is what I began to do. I brought back my daily meditation and my written connections with my guides. I started ending work at 6pm sharp and I streamlined my business by hiring an amazing assistant (Pam – many of you have already met her – she is the BEST) and what were the results? An abdomen that fits on my body. How cool right?
Now, when my abdomen starts to get big again, I know it’s time to refocus on relaxation and I feel relief within a day. All I had to do was walk my talk and listen to my gut!
So, I’m sure you can now see why I was reluctant to share this story with you. I very much want for you all to think of me as human – I don’t enjoy being put on a pedestal as that doesn’t help anyone move forward – however, at the same time, I don’t want you to see ALL of my challenges! So yes, I am coming clean and it’s time for you all to come clean as well.
Regardless of research, experts, articles, the web, your friends and loved ones – the only one who truly has the answer is You. I say You with a capital “Y” because by this I mean you, your Higher Self, your intuition, your spiritual guides, your connection to the Universe – whatever you want to call it. Feeling good about yourself, being healthy, living the life the want to live – they all start from within. It’s not about finding the “right” doctor or the “right” job – because these things don’t matter if you aren’t working from within.
Love & Light,