4 (Spiritual) Reasons Your Family Bugs You During the Holidays

Annoyed with FamilyWe all have loved ones of some sort and we’re all more often annoyed by those we love around the holidays. Why is that? After all, aren’t we all supposed to be filled with unconditional love? Luckily, when you look past the obvious at what is really going on, you’ll find some very clear reasons for your spiritual annoyance!

Here are four (spiritual) reasons your family annoys you during holiday season (and what to do about it!):

1. You aren’t comfortable saying “no”: The word “no” creates a necessary energetic boundary that automatically shows people how much of your energy they may have. Since many people have a sense of “owing” their parents or family (meaning, in order to thank their parents for raising them, they feel they must give as much of their energy to their parents as their parents ask for). At holiday time, it can be especially hard to say, “No, Mom. I really don’t have time to clean out your garage this weekend” and claim your boundaries for yourself without feeling like an ungrateful, spoiled brat. Before automatically agreeing to something, stop for a moment and weigh the pros and cons. Does this job/errand/chore benefit you as well as those you love? If the answer really is, “yes” then go for it. If it’s a “well… it will make them happy and that will make things easier for me…” then slow down and think about it a bit more. There is no need to sacrifice your boundaries for love!

2. You are the family rescuer: Almost everyone in the family looks to you to take charge, fix the problem and give the advice. Woowee! Energetically, this is a lot of work and creates a big drain on your spiritual, emotional, energetic, and physical resources. No wonder you feel short-tempered come November and December! Remember that, despite your love for your family, everyone has their own journey – and everyone has to LEARN from their own journey. You can be the support, but not the action.

3. Your family gossips: When everyone gets together, you find yourself pulled into various private conversations about so-and-so’s problem, his decisions, her habits… Gossip, gossip, gossip! What you may not realize is that even if you don’t participate in the gossip by spreading it, listening to the gossip also takes up your valuable energy. Listening is, in fact, a form of giving. When you’re at the family gathering, remember to be very particular about whom you listen to, where you give your attention, and what you do with the information you’ve learned. You want to maintain your energy for yourself first, so you can be calm, clear, and balanced when everyone else begins gossiping!

4. You’re stuck in the past: Sure, your brother may have chopped all the heads off of your Barbie’s when you were twelve, but is that really relevant to who is going to cut the pecan pie? Instead of remembering all the craziness from years gone by – and then reacting angrily to completely unrelated current incidents, try to stick to the now. When you attach yourself to the past, it creates an energetic drain that will make you feel tired, irritable, angry and more. Instead, releasing the energetic attachment to the past (there are plenty of exercises to do this – check out my Soul Contracts book for one), will help you find that the NOW is often a lot easier to handle (without flying off the handle) if you look at it on it’s own.

When hanging with those you love, it’s really all about energy – and maintaining enough for your own well-being FIRST. Choose carefully where you focus so you don’t end up drained and cranky. If you’re on top of the world, full of love and energetic balance, it won’t matter that Aunt Tilda is complaining about her nephew’s lack of motivation yet again. You’ll have the power to rise above and seek out those who are just plain enjoying themselves. And people who are enjoying themselves aren’t usually annoyed!

3 replies
  1. Ophélie
    Ophélie says:

    Hoooo so true,thanks! The reasons why people are so stressed out during theses holidays… it is suppose to be a joyful time and it turns out very often to be so much about conventions, pleasing each other, pretending… And yes the past coming out to the surface, a great occasion to resolve things and start next year with a new energy?!? Happy holidays 🙂

  2. Monina
    Monina says:

    Thank you Danielle. These points you made are very true to many and I’m sure will come very handy reminders this holiday season.

  3. Gayle Lawrence
    Gayle Lawrence says:

    Hi Danielle,
    Loved this blog post and all you say is so powerful. Offering a “Soul Contracts” workshop combined with a tour to some magical destination would be fantastic. Sharing your Soul Wisdom while experiencing the energy of a sacred place or just being out in nature would be a powerful, transformational experience for a group of Spiritual Seekers.
    Happy Holidays,
    Gayle Lawrence


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